


Until You Admit

by sinandcinnamon



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinandcinnamon/pseuds/sinandcinnamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:  Xander/Riley, admit</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until You Admit

Xander's hip shut the door behind him as he brought the groceries into the kitchen. Riley was on the phone, so he was considerately quiet as he put things away, not even trying to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping. Mentions of plans for leave had him raising his brows - Xander was pretty sure Riley was the only member of the Initiative that had chosen to stay behind in Sunnydale, and last he'd heard, there wasn't a whole lot of leave included with unemployment. He stayed, leaning against the counter once everything but the lube was put away, unsurprised when Riley didn't immediately make eye contact after he'd hung up the phone. 

"Can't make it back this time, huh?" he challenged. It wasn't really his business. Just because they were living together didn't mean Xander was entitled to know why Riley was lying to his parents... but that wasn't gonna stop him from asking. The look Riley shot him was laced with shame and vulnerability underneath the annoyance. Xander's voice softened into something with more compassion. "They don't know?"

"Don't know I'm a fuck up?" Riley shook his head. "It's better this way."

Xander didn't bother giving voice to the denial inside, knowing from experience that he didn't want to hear it. Riley carried so much guilt over what had gone down, the ones he'd lost, and any attempts to cast it into perspective were seen as a betrayal of the lessons he'd learned, the memories he carried. Xander was no stranger to self-loathing, but Riley took it to a whole new level and refused to be budged.

"You don't know," Riley said, his voice strained. Xander slid down to sit next to him, recognizing this as one of those moments when his words couldn't help, and hoping the nearness would offer some comfort. "They're so proud of me. They're always telling me, telling the whole town. They still think I'm serving my country and earning my degree, making something of myself. I never even told them what we were doing here, we all had to sign it away when we were chosen for the project. How do I start admitting the truth when the lies go back so long?" There was a yearning in his voice, such obvious desire for the slate to be wiped clean, as if he could shed the ugliness of the last year if he just figured out how to pierce the web of dishonesty he was caught in. He fell silent, and Xander hesitated, then laid his hand over Riley's. Simple contact, no illusions of answers. This wasn't something he could help with; Riley would face it when he was ready (and Xander had no doubts that it was when and not if) and would have to do it on his own. 

But Xander would be there. Side by side, hand in hand, whatever the fallout.


End file.
